Almost three months without writing? Oh dear, I am awful.
I suppose it's mostly that things have largely remained the same in my life. Not much to write about really, and maybe I've reached a stage in which I'm somewhat complacent because being little isn't really a new concept now.
Not that it's any less important to me! It's as much of a part of me as ever. If anything I am growing to see how what I guess could be called two halves of myself can be even more integrated than I might have thought.
Last week I went to see Daddy for Christmas. It felt like it had been forever since I'd been there, and in retrospect it had been a while. Every time I see him I fall more in love with him. When he puts his arms around me it's like, "Ah, yes, this is what was missing!"
We went to see The Voyage of the Dawn Treader with a few of his friends, and spent the night at the beach even though it was too cold to go swimming - or really even to walk on the beach! He tried to take some pictures of me out on the sand the first day we were there, and I look miserable in all of them because I'm freezing to death. XD But later on I got a warm bath and lots of time to be little. I know he already said it in his blog, but it bears repeating - it was so great not to have to worry about anyone hearing/walking in on us! We probably weirded out some maid with our strange trash, though. Smirnoff bottles and...diapers? And the packaging to a buttplug? Yes. XD I had never really taken anything anally and it hurt like the dickens but I am determined to keep at it because I know I will like it once I'm able to relax a bit more. This first time, though, it was impossible to stop my muscles from tensing.
We made a few videos, just silly things of us talking and me showing off various fun stuff (okay, Daddy did make one naughty one), but I don't know that they'll ever get posted anywhere because Daddy was tipsy in them and I am very paranoid about putting that sort of thing on the internet. Uh, not Daddy being tipsy, but me being in my little clothes and drinking from a sippy cup and such. And introducing the audience to our new buttplug. XD There is a photo of me posted on Daddy's blog, though. He really liked it so I decided it would be okay if he just put up a small one.
For the rest of my stay, we mostly did the same sorts of things we always do - wandered around town, watched movies, and cuddled, although we also watched the eclipse through a telescope and took a long walk through the woods! I wish we could have been together on Christmas day but of course we both have families to be with. The consensus was reached that someone needs to invent a teleportation device. Well, actually, we have been making this assertion for quite a while now.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Exploring Subspace
The minute Daddy and I are apart, I'm already missing him. Being able to talk to him almost every day on the internet helps a lot, but I still constantly wish for what life is like when I'm around him. Falling asleep in his arms, waking up next to him, having fun going out and doing the most trivial, silly things, just because we're together. Knowing that I can be my complete self and not only not have to worry about being judged for it, but be loved for it.
We had a great time at the convention, and a few people actually recognized who we were dressed as the day we cosplayed! We are definitely going to do more cons that are this size in the future. I hadn't realized it, but Daddy has actually only ever been to Dragon*Con! And while that was great (this year was my first time!), it's not really representative of the kind of experience you get at a more average-sized convention. So I was really glad he enjoyed himself. Oh, and he bought a new diaper bag for me! He had just been keeping all my AB/DL stuff that he had at his house in a black laptop case, but he said that wasn't exactly fitting for what the contents were, and I have to agree. This bag is soooo cute; it has a little fox on it going, "Om nom nom!" on a baby chick that it mistook for a dumpling. Okay, it sounds a little violent when I put it like that, but I assure you it's adorable!
Geez, I'm a procrastinator. Those first two paragraphs were written ten days ago, then sat there waiting for me to finish them all this time! But I do have a legitimate excuse this time - I've recently started working as an intern in a local art gallery. Anyways, let's see if I can remember what else happened. That was exactly why I wanted to write this soon after I got back, so that everything would be fresh in my memory! So much for that...
Anyways, the day after we got back Daddy had a presentation to do about transgender people at his school, and I came in and helped. I think he did a good job, and some of the class seemed really receptive to what we were saying. I was a little nervous beforehand, but it wasn't too hard since we had a Powerpoint to go by. Um, let's see, what else...we ate a lot of delicious food, watched a few movies...we bought coloring books! Daddy found some of his old colored pencils and we decided we needed to color. XD It was good because it gave me something to do while he did his homework. We got two Animal Planet ones and one big My Little Pony one. I like My Little Pony, but I have to say this was kind of a disappointing coloring book - most of the pages are just the ponies standing there! It's like, c'mon, give us some action shots! You can only color the same pony so many times. And yes, I do like My Little Ponies, and I don't even care if you say they are girls' toys! I don't play with them because I only have one, but it's very special to me because my friend customized it to look like my favorite character from my favorite show! It's one of those toys that's too nice to play with.
Daddy was silly and thought I hadn't brought any diapers with me. I told him I hadn't brought any cute pajamas, but I guess he misheard or misinterpreted? So I was only diapered the last night because that was the only time he knew I had them. But it was really enjoyable. While we were at dinner, he told me to think of what I wanted to do when we got home. I am kinda predictable; I wanted to be spanked. XD I can't remember exactly how I detailed my ideas to him, but what ended up happening was that he spanked me, made me suck on one of his toys, and then fucked me with it.
Now, I don't usually go into that much detail about what we do in bed because to be honest, I'm shy. Which is a little ridiculous considering I have a fetish blog, but it's my blog so I can be shy about things if I want to! But the reason I bring it up is because it was the first time (in my admittedly short amount of time doing things like this) I actually cried during a scene. It was very strange - it wasn't really that it hurt. It did a little, but that alone wouldn't have been enough to make me cry, normally. I had never been fucked that hard and fast before, and it was...too intense, that's really the only way I can describe it. That's what I managed to choke out right as I started crying, and then I got all embarrassed that I was crying and tried to hide my face in Daddy's chest. For someone in the AB/DL spectrum, I cry surprisingly little. In fact, I had just been talking to Daddy the night before about how I wasn't even sure when the last time I had cried was. It usually requires me to be very upset indeed.
But I wasn't upset that night - I think I really just reached a more extreme level of subspace than I have so far. It was jarring when it was happening, but afterwards, once Daddy had let me come, cleaned me up, and put me in a diaper and we were cuddling, I felt...well, sorta high! I have heard kinky people talk about this feeling before, and I had experienced it prior to then, but I think that this instance was the most intense. I definitely want to reach that place again, and even push beyond it. Trying to push my own limits is another thing that draws me towards being a submissive, and while I can mostly explain what it is that I like about the other aspects, I don't really know what it is that gives me that compulsion. Thrill-seeking, maybe, for someone who is too much of a wuss to go skydiving or do hard drugs. I prefer my adrenaline with cuddling on the side anyways.
P.S. - I booked our room for Frolicon, and I don't know how I managed to do it (I had checked yesterday and the site was telling me there were no rooms at all!), but I got us one with a king-sized bed! Yay! I'm gonna roll around in it!
We had a great time at the convention, and a few people actually recognized who we were dressed as the day we cosplayed! We are definitely going to do more cons that are this size in the future. I hadn't realized it, but Daddy has actually only ever been to Dragon*Con! And while that was great (this year was my first time!), it's not really representative of the kind of experience you get at a more average-sized convention. So I was really glad he enjoyed himself. Oh, and he bought a new diaper bag for me! He had just been keeping all my AB/DL stuff that he had at his house in a black laptop case, but he said that wasn't exactly fitting for what the contents were, and I have to agree. This bag is soooo cute; it has a little fox on it going, "Om nom nom!" on a baby chick that it mistook for a dumpling. Okay, it sounds a little violent when I put it like that, but I assure you it's adorable!
Geez, I'm a procrastinator. Those first two paragraphs were written ten days ago, then sat there waiting for me to finish them all this time! But I do have a legitimate excuse this time - I've recently started working as an intern in a local art gallery. Anyways, let's see if I can remember what else happened. That was exactly why I wanted to write this soon after I got back, so that everything would be fresh in my memory! So much for that...
Anyways, the day after we got back Daddy had a presentation to do about transgender people at his school, and I came in and helped. I think he did a good job, and some of the class seemed really receptive to what we were saying. I was a little nervous beforehand, but it wasn't too hard since we had a Powerpoint to go by. Um, let's see, what else...we ate a lot of delicious food, watched a few movies...we bought coloring books! Daddy found some of his old colored pencils and we decided we needed to color. XD It was good because it gave me something to do while he did his homework. We got two Animal Planet ones and one big My Little Pony one. I like My Little Pony, but I have to say this was kind of a disappointing coloring book - most of the pages are just the ponies standing there! It's like, c'mon, give us some action shots! You can only color the same pony so many times. And yes, I do like My Little Ponies, and I don't even care if you say they are girls' toys! I don't play with them because I only have one, but it's very special to me because my friend customized it to look like my favorite character from my favorite show! It's one of those toys that's too nice to play with.
Daddy was silly and thought I hadn't brought any diapers with me. I told him I hadn't brought any cute pajamas, but I guess he misheard or misinterpreted? So I was only diapered the last night because that was the only time he knew I had them. But it was really enjoyable. While we were at dinner, he told me to think of what I wanted to do when we got home. I am kinda predictable; I wanted to be spanked. XD I can't remember exactly how I detailed my ideas to him, but what ended up happening was that he spanked me, made me suck on one of his toys, and then fucked me with it.
Now, I don't usually go into that much detail about what we do in bed because to be honest, I'm shy. Which is a little ridiculous considering I have a fetish blog, but it's my blog so I can be shy about things if I want to! But the reason I bring it up is because it was the first time (in my admittedly short amount of time doing things like this) I actually cried during a scene. It was very strange - it wasn't really that it hurt. It did a little, but that alone wouldn't have been enough to make me cry, normally. I had never been fucked that hard and fast before, and it was...too intense, that's really the only way I can describe it. That's what I managed to choke out right as I started crying, and then I got all embarrassed that I was crying and tried to hide my face in Daddy's chest. For someone in the AB/DL spectrum, I cry surprisingly little. In fact, I had just been talking to Daddy the night before about how I wasn't even sure when the last time I had cried was. It usually requires me to be very upset indeed.
But I wasn't upset that night - I think I really just reached a more extreme level of subspace than I have so far. It was jarring when it was happening, but afterwards, once Daddy had let me come, cleaned me up, and put me in a diaper and we were cuddling, I felt...well, sorta high! I have heard kinky people talk about this feeling before, and I had experienced it prior to then, but I think that this instance was the most intense. I definitely want to reach that place again, and even push beyond it. Trying to push my own limits is another thing that draws me towards being a submissive, and while I can mostly explain what it is that I like about the other aspects, I don't really know what it is that gives me that compulsion. Thrill-seeking, maybe, for someone who is too much of a wuss to go skydiving or do hard drugs. I prefer my adrenaline with cuddling on the side anyways.
P.S. - I booked our room for Frolicon, and I don't know how I managed to do it (I had checked yesterday and the site was telling me there were no rooms at all!), but I got us one with a king-sized bed! Yay! I'm gonna roll around in it!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Conventions!
Well, it's official - Daddy and I are going to Frolicon! I got my tickets while I was at Dragon*Con because it's much cheaper to get them there then to try to buy them online later. And they gave me a sticker! I am sooo excited. I'm already trying to plan what sorts of things I want to wear! It's a little different from a normal convention, since I won't be wearing actual costumes, but I want to take advantage of the fact that I can dress like a little boy and not be stared at or something. I also need to find some black shorts, because I asked Daddy what he thought he might like to see me in, and one of his suggestions was a white, slightly oversized button-down, black shorts, and black boots. And great minds think alike, because another suggestion was a sailor suit, and I've already been planning to make one of those for a few months now! My friend and I are hoping to start a company that makes Lolita-inspired accessories, so I think it only makes sense that we have cute outfits to wear! And I have wanted a sailor suit forever! I need to draw up the plans for it, though. Once I get that done I'll post them on here...or at least try to remember to!
I'm all hyper and excited because I leave to go see Daddy again tomorrow! Not only that, but we're also going to Anime Weekend Atlanta together! I have really been hankering for an anime con lately because I've been getting back into it more and more, but this one will be extra-special because it's the first con that Daddy and I are going to together. We even got together a cosplay! ...and then of course I had to suggest that we use those costumes to get up to a bit of naughtiness at some point. Daddy is convinced that the character I'm dressing as has secret AB/DL tendencies anyways. XD
I realized last night that little boys really should not be left to their own devices regarding some matters. See, I bought a waxing set (yes, the continued saga of my struggles with hair removal!) a couple of months ago. Technically it wasn't for...down there, only the "bikini area," (which I have come to learn isn't really just a polite way of saying pubes - they really do mean just the area that isn't covered by a typical bikini) but I thought hey, wax is wax, right? It came with some free pre-waxed strips that you warmed with your hands and then peeled apart. I tried them one night and they didn't work very well, but I hadn't had much faith that they would, anyways. However, they did take out some of the hair so I had to wait for it to grow back before I could try again.
My mistake was waiting so long to do so. Specifically, until last night. And, lo and behold...it doesn't work so great. It took out a bit more hair than the pre-waxed strips, but mostly it just hurt like a motherbitch and got my hands and everything I touched unbelievably sticky. And now this morning, my skin was very irritated. Not much of a surprise there. I shaved with my electric razor and hopefully tomorrow I will be okay to use my normal one. But the point of all this is...if I hadn't procrastinated and if I hadn't been so confident that the wax would work, I could have been shaving regularly these past two months. If I had done that, maybe my skin would have gotten more used to it, and it would have been a lot nicer for when I go see Daddy. As things currently stand, I don't know what it's going to be like, but I bet it'll hurt tomorrow when I shave. I deserve that, though. And if it looks yucky later...maybe I should ask Daddy to punish me (if he sees fit to). Maybe that would get it through my head that even if I'm not around Daddy, that's no excuse to be irresponsible and not take care of myself the way he wants me to.
I can't really be that annoyed with myself, though. I'm too busy being happy and excited for seeing Daddy! It feels like forever since we've been together, but now, by this time tomorrow (well, give or take a few hours...most likely give, but this time I'll be calling if that's the case!) I'll be in his arms! <3
I'm all hyper and excited because I leave to go see Daddy again tomorrow! Not only that, but we're also going to Anime Weekend Atlanta together! I have really been hankering for an anime con lately because I've been getting back into it more and more, but this one will be extra-special because it's the first con that Daddy and I are going to together. We even got together a cosplay! ...and then of course I had to suggest that we use those costumes to get up to a bit of naughtiness at some point. Daddy is convinced that the character I'm dressing as has secret AB/DL tendencies anyways. XD
I realized last night that little boys really should not be left to their own devices regarding some matters. See, I bought a waxing set (yes, the continued saga of my struggles with hair removal!) a couple of months ago. Technically it wasn't for...down there, only the "bikini area," (which I have come to learn isn't really just a polite way of saying pubes - they really do mean just the area that isn't covered by a typical bikini) but I thought hey, wax is wax, right? It came with some free pre-waxed strips that you warmed with your hands and then peeled apart. I tried them one night and they didn't work very well, but I hadn't had much faith that they would, anyways. However, they did take out some of the hair so I had to wait for it to grow back before I could try again.
My mistake was waiting so long to do so. Specifically, until last night. And, lo and behold...it doesn't work so great. It took out a bit more hair than the pre-waxed strips, but mostly it just hurt like a motherbitch and got my hands and everything I touched unbelievably sticky. And now this morning, my skin was very irritated. Not much of a surprise there. I shaved with my electric razor and hopefully tomorrow I will be okay to use my normal one. But the point of all this is...if I hadn't procrastinated and if I hadn't been so confident that the wax would work, I could have been shaving regularly these past two months. If I had done that, maybe my skin would have gotten more used to it, and it would have been a lot nicer for when I go see Daddy. As things currently stand, I don't know what it's going to be like, but I bet it'll hurt tomorrow when I shave. I deserve that, though. And if it looks yucky later...maybe I should ask Daddy to punish me (if he sees fit to). Maybe that would get it through my head that even if I'm not around Daddy, that's no excuse to be irresponsible and not take care of myself the way he wants me to.
I can't really be that annoyed with myself, though. I'm too busy being happy and excited for seeing Daddy! It feels like forever since we've been together, but now, by this time tomorrow (well, give or take a few hours...most likely give, but this time I'll be calling if that's the case!) I'll be in his arms! <3
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sites and Scenes
Looks like DiaperSpace is down until who-knows-when...maybe forever? I hope not, but I'm not that optimistic. It seems like the administrators had just been less and less involved as time went on. Fortunate, then, that iDiaper.me should be up and running now. I've been making a list of articles I might like to write, and I'll start working on one soon. I just keep getting distracted with writing with Daddy! I think it's the next best thing to actually being with him; playing around in magical pretendy-land.
I made a new account on FetLife because I made my old one before I made my DS account or this blog, and it wasn't under the same name. To be honest, I'm not even sure what name it was under, but I hadn't really done much with it so I just went ahead and made a new one. I'm not sure how much I'll use it because there's just something about the layout that I don't really like. But I am indeed on there, as schwarz (as usual - I use that name everywhere except for when it's already taken, and then it's littleboyschwarz or lilboyschwarz). Add me if you want! It's funny, since it makes you put in your town I actually found a girl that I went to high school with, who is now in a relationship with my first long-term boyfriend. I'm happy they're together because she seems like a great sub, and the sort of person my ex wanted and that I couldn't be. I didn't add her, though, because we never really knew each other and because I'm very nervous about people I know even a bit in real life knowing about my LB/DL tendencies, even if they are also kinky. I feel like even people in the fetish scene sometimes think of us as weirdos.
Speaking of the scene, I was looking at their website tonight and have now got my little heart set upon going to next year's Frolicon. I mean, really - a convention for kinky people! How awesome is that? The tickets are a little steep but I think this is understandable what with how many things they have going on there. There are an absurd amount of panels and events, not to mention the play parties. I really want to go!
Let's see, what else? Well, I went thrift-store shopping again today. They had a pack of Prevails at Salvation Army, but they were 2XL, so boo to that. Then I found this like...well, it's hard to explain, kind of like a romper but it had long pants legs and the top portion is sleeveless. I think that if I hem the legs to make them shorts and maybe sew snaps along the inner thigh it would make a pretty good onesie. Also I have to find something to cover up the little flower patch with, because flowers are nice but they're a bit too girly for me! If nothing else I can cut out a little star or something out of a piece of fabric, because I have plenty of scraps. I think this will be a nice beginner's project for me. I don't feel like I'm quite ready to sew myself any clothes from scratch yet (especially since right now I'd have to be doing it by hand).
Oh, and I have a question. Is there a way for me to follow people with blogs on other sites? Specifically, Wordpress. I feel like there might be with the whole Google network thingy, but I really don't know how it works.
That's all for now! I'm gonna go roleplay with Daddy some, and then tomorrow I'm going to the beach!
I made a new account on FetLife because I made my old one before I made my DS account or this blog, and it wasn't under the same name. To be honest, I'm not even sure what name it was under, but I hadn't really done much with it so I just went ahead and made a new one. I'm not sure how much I'll use it because there's just something about the layout that I don't really like. But I am indeed on there, as schwarz (as usual - I use that name everywhere except for when it's already taken, and then it's littleboyschwarz or lilboyschwarz). Add me if you want! It's funny, since it makes you put in your town I actually found a girl that I went to high school with, who is now in a relationship with my first long-term boyfriend. I'm happy they're together because she seems like a great sub, and the sort of person my ex wanted and that I couldn't be. I didn't add her, though, because we never really knew each other and because I'm very nervous about people I know even a bit in real life knowing about my LB/DL tendencies, even if they are also kinky. I feel like even people in the fetish scene sometimes think of us as weirdos.
Speaking of the scene, I was looking at their website tonight and have now got my little heart set upon going to next year's Frolicon. I mean, really - a convention for kinky people! How awesome is that? The tickets are a little steep but I think this is understandable what with how many things they have going on there. There are an absurd amount of panels and events, not to mention the play parties. I really want to go!
Let's see, what else? Well, I went thrift-store shopping again today. They had a pack of Prevails at Salvation Army, but they were 2XL, so boo to that. Then I found this like...well, it's hard to explain, kind of like a romper but it had long pants legs and the top portion is sleeveless. I think that if I hem the legs to make them shorts and maybe sew snaps along the inner thigh it would make a pretty good onesie. Also I have to find something to cover up the little flower patch with, because flowers are nice but they're a bit too girly for me! If nothing else I can cut out a little star or something out of a piece of fabric, because I have plenty of scraps. I think this will be a nice beginner's project for me. I don't feel like I'm quite ready to sew myself any clothes from scratch yet (especially since right now I'd have to be doing it by hand).
Oh, and I have a question. Is there a way for me to follow people with blogs on other sites? Specifically, Wordpress. I feel like there might be with the whole Google network thingy, but I really don't know how it works.
That's all for now! I'm gonna go roleplay with Daddy some, and then tomorrow I'm going to the beach!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Back from Vacation
I'm back! And oh my gosh did I have a lot of internets to catch up on. I read about five hundred LiveJournal posts (not exaggerating, either!) before I accidentally closed the page I was on, lost my place, and gave up. I had a very good time on my trip, but I missed Daddy so much. I had a couple moments of severe littleness - the sort where it just strikes you out of nowhere - while I was on the trip, and wished so badly that he could have been there. I'm sure that other people who are littles have experienced this sort of thing, where just all the sudden it's like, "I need Daddy/Mommy!" It's not always the best when this happens when you've got an ocean between you and Daddy.
And this feeling comes in two different flavors, good and bad. The good was when I stumbled upon a store full of Beatrix Potter things, and how much I had loved those books as a child came rushing back to me. My room was actually Peter Rabbit-themed when I was very young, so her books have a strong association with childhood for me. They had more Beatrix Potter things there than I'd ever seen, too - books, toys, clothes, even things like dishes and picture frames. I got very excited about them and so badly wished Daddy had been there, just so I could have said, "Look at this, look at this!" For as I am sure you know, while Mommies and Daddies are perfectly capable of looking at things on their own, one must often point out the subtle nuances of exactly why specific things are so awesome. I don't actually know if he's ever read any of the stories. I'll have to ask him tonight. But I just went and checked, and I have a big book with nine of her stories in it! I'll definitely have to remember to bring it the next time I come for a visit.
The bad came a few days later, when I was in the city instead of the countryside, and hadn't had the forethought to go to the bathroom quite as often as I'd needed to. All of the sudden I really needed to go, and it seemed like at just that moment all the businesses that might have had bathrooms I could have used started closing! It also didn't help that I was really tired from a long day of walking around and also a bit lost. I was wishing so badly that I was diapered so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a bathroom, but of course wishing didn't really help any in that situation. It got really bad, and I still couldn't find anywhere to go. I just wanted to sit down and cry because I felt like I couldn't deal with it on my own. I knew that if Daddy had been there, he would have been able to fix everything, but since he wasn't I had to be grown-up and keep going until I found somewhere. Which I did, and not a moment too soon. Thank goodness for random Burger Kings!
As I headed back to the hotel for the evening, I knew that the situation really hadn't been as bad as it had seemed at the time, but in the heat of the moment I can be bad at recognizing that. Being overwhelmed by things is something I know I have always had problems with, but having Daddy helps so much. And even when he's not there, I just ask myself what he would do and say to me, and that calms me down and gets me to think a little more levelheadedly. I still prefer actually having him there, though!
And this feeling comes in two different flavors, good and bad. The good was when I stumbled upon a store full of Beatrix Potter things, and how much I had loved those books as a child came rushing back to me. My room was actually Peter Rabbit-themed when I was very young, so her books have a strong association with childhood for me. They had more Beatrix Potter things there than I'd ever seen, too - books, toys, clothes, even things like dishes and picture frames. I got very excited about them and so badly wished Daddy had been there, just so I could have said, "Look at this, look at this!" For as I am sure you know, while Mommies and Daddies are perfectly capable of looking at things on their own, one must often point out the subtle nuances of exactly why specific things are so awesome. I don't actually know if he's ever read any of the stories. I'll have to ask him tonight. But I just went and checked, and I have a big book with nine of her stories in it! I'll definitely have to remember to bring it the next time I come for a visit.
The bad came a few days later, when I was in the city instead of the countryside, and hadn't had the forethought to go to the bathroom quite as often as I'd needed to. All of the sudden I really needed to go, and it seemed like at just that moment all the businesses that might have had bathrooms I could have used started closing! It also didn't help that I was really tired from a long day of walking around and also a bit lost. I was wishing so badly that I was diapered so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a bathroom, but of course wishing didn't really help any in that situation. It got really bad, and I still couldn't find anywhere to go. I just wanted to sit down and cry because I felt like I couldn't deal with it on my own. I knew that if Daddy had been there, he would have been able to fix everything, but since he wasn't I had to be grown-up and keep going until I found somewhere. Which I did, and not a moment too soon. Thank goodness for random Burger Kings!
As I headed back to the hotel for the evening, I knew that the situation really hadn't been as bad as it had seemed at the time, but in the heat of the moment I can be bad at recognizing that. Being overwhelmed by things is something I know I have always had problems with, but having Daddy helps so much. And even when he's not there, I just ask myself what he would do and say to me, and that calms me down and gets me to think a little more levelheadedly. I still prefer actually having him there, though!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Second Visit with Daddy
Wow, it's been a little while since I've written. But I do have an excuse! This Monday I drove up to see Daddy again, and I just got back last night. We had so much fun - went shopping (including going to a flea market where we saw some of the cutest puppies ever!), did some volunteer work for a lady that teaches at the college Daddy used to go to, saw Toy Story 3 and Despicable Me, and of course cuddled a lot. He kept me diapered for a pretty good percentage of the time, including my first excursion out into public with one on. There is something very mischievously fun about that. You're looking at people thinking, "Haha, I'm peeing right now and you don't even know it!" It's also pretty nice not to have to worry about going to the bathroom before leaving, or having to brave public bathrooms with scary spiders in the stalls!
I also got my first spanking, but I didn't need to make up an excuse for why I needed one because I actually did something bad. It's about an eight hour drive to Daddy's, and I had decided on the way there that I'd stop about halfway through and call him to let him know I was okay and about what time I might get there. The problem was that I recently switched cell phone providers, and as I discovered, literally don't get service for like five hours of the journey to Daddy's. I kept checking my phone every fifteen minutes or so, thinking that surely it would only be a little longer before I got into an area where I would have service. That never happened, though, and it didn't occur to me to stop somewhere and use a pay phone. I ended up getting there much later than I'd been expected because I had felt a little yucky that morning so I didn't leave until the afternoon, and Daddy had been freaking out because he didn't know where I was and couldn't get a hold of me. I felt really bad when I realized how much I'd scared him just by being careless. I ought to have called him when I first left, and I definitely should have found a pay phone when I had gone for a few hours with no service. But he knows that I'm sorry and I'll never do something like that again, and I think we both ended up enjoying the spanking.
The problem with Daddy living with his family is that we can't always do everything we'd like to because there's always the risk of someone knocking at his door. But we find ways to work around that, and once I have my apartment we'll be afforded more privacy. Then we won't have to worry so much about my tendency to be loud when I like something. XD I think I influenced Daddy to become a bit more vocal too, because he's said that he's usually very quiet in sexual situations, but we both like the other to be verbal during (I like being verbally humiliated and he's a self-professed narratophile), even if it is a little embarrassing when he tells me to tell him all the things I'd like him to do to me.
Even though everything is so new and we are still figuring this whole thing out, I have realized that I feel so much more comfortable with Daddy than I have with either of my two previous partners. He can't make my dysphoria go away, but he can make me feel so much better just because I know that, as a trans man, he knows exactly how I feel. I also know that no matter what my body may look like or my voice sound like, he sees me as a man just as I do him (heh, well, more like boy in my case, but you know what I mean!). He is really the first person I have actually felt comfortable being naked around. Taking off my clothes around a partner used to be a really agonizing experience that I avoided as much as I could, but with him I really just don't care. I don't feel like he's scrutinizing me or projecting things onto me that I'm not. He just lets me be me.
I am going to try to go up to see him again next month. I want us to be together again as soon as possible! Until then I just have to satisfy myself with the internets, although I won't be around much for the next two weeks because I'm going on vacation with the family out of the country and I'm not taking my laptop. I get the internet on my phone, but as we have already seen, it is not the most reliable device. And either way, I'm not too keen on blogging from it. So, see you in a few weeks!
I also got my first spanking, but I didn't need to make up an excuse for why I needed one because I actually did something bad. It's about an eight hour drive to Daddy's, and I had decided on the way there that I'd stop about halfway through and call him to let him know I was okay and about what time I might get there. The problem was that I recently switched cell phone providers, and as I discovered, literally don't get service for like five hours of the journey to Daddy's. I kept checking my phone every fifteen minutes or so, thinking that surely it would only be a little longer before I got into an area where I would have service. That never happened, though, and it didn't occur to me to stop somewhere and use a pay phone. I ended up getting there much later than I'd been expected because I had felt a little yucky that morning so I didn't leave until the afternoon, and Daddy had been freaking out because he didn't know where I was and couldn't get a hold of me. I felt really bad when I realized how much I'd scared him just by being careless. I ought to have called him when I first left, and I definitely should have found a pay phone when I had gone for a few hours with no service. But he knows that I'm sorry and I'll never do something like that again, and I think we both ended up enjoying the spanking.
The problem with Daddy living with his family is that we can't always do everything we'd like to because there's always the risk of someone knocking at his door. But we find ways to work around that, and once I have my apartment we'll be afforded more privacy. Then we won't have to worry so much about my tendency to be loud when I like something. XD I think I influenced Daddy to become a bit more vocal too, because he's said that he's usually very quiet in sexual situations, but we both like the other to be verbal during (I like being verbally humiliated and he's a self-professed narratophile), even if it is a little embarrassing when he tells me to tell him all the things I'd like him to do to me.
Even though everything is so new and we are still figuring this whole thing out, I have realized that I feel so much more comfortable with Daddy than I have with either of my two previous partners. He can't make my dysphoria go away, but he can make me feel so much better just because I know that, as a trans man, he knows exactly how I feel. I also know that no matter what my body may look like or my voice sound like, he sees me as a man just as I do him (heh, well, more like boy in my case, but you know what I mean!). He is really the first person I have actually felt comfortable being naked around. Taking off my clothes around a partner used to be a really agonizing experience that I avoided as much as I could, but with him I really just don't care. I don't feel like he's scrutinizing me or projecting things onto me that I'm not. He just lets me be me.
I am going to try to go up to see him again next month. I want us to be together again as soon as possible! Until then I just have to satisfy myself with the internets, although I won't be around much for the next two weeks because I'm going on vacation with the family out of the country and I'm not taking my laptop. I get the internet on my phone, but as we have already seen, it is not the most reliable device. And either way, I'm not too keen on blogging from it. So, see you in a few weeks!
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