Exploring Subspace

The minute Daddy and I are apart, I'm already missing him. Being able to talk to him almost every day on the internet helps a lot, but I still constantly wish for what life is like when I'm around him. Falling asleep in his arms, waking up next to him, having fun going out and doing the most trivial, silly things, just because we're together. Knowing that I can be my complete self and not only not have to worry about being judged for it, but be loved for it.

We had a great time at the convention, and a few people actually recognized who we were dressed as the day we cosplayed! We are definitely going to do more cons that are this size in the future. I hadn't realized it, but Daddy has actually only ever been to Dragon*Con! And while that was great (this year was my first time!), it's not really representative of the kind of experience you get at a more average-sized convention. So I was really glad he enjoyed himself. Oh, and he bought a new diaper bag for me! He had just been keeping all my AB/DL stuff that he had at his house in a black laptop case, but he said that wasn't exactly fitting for what the contents were, and I have to agree. This bag is soooo cute; it has a little fox on it going, "Om nom nom!" on a baby chick that it mistook for a dumpling. Okay, it sounds a little violent when I put it like that, but I assure you it's adorable!

Geez, I'm a procrastinator. Those first two paragraphs were written ten days ago, then sat there waiting for me to finish them all this time! But I do have a legitimate excuse this time - I've recently started working as an intern in a local art gallery. Anyways, let's see if I can remember what else happened. That was exactly why I wanted to write this soon after I got back, so that everything would be fresh in my memory! So much for that...

Anyways, the day after we got back Daddy had a presentation to do about transgender people at his school, and I came in and helped. I think he did a good job, and some of the class seemed really receptive to what we were saying. I was a little nervous beforehand, but it wasn't too hard since we had a Powerpoint to go by. Um, let's see, what else...we ate a lot of delicious food, watched a few movies...we bought coloring books! Daddy found some of his old colored pencils and we decided we needed to color. XD It was good because it gave me something to do while he did his homework. We got two Animal Planet ones and one big My Little Pony one. I like My Little Pony, but I have to say this was kind of a disappointing coloring book - most of the pages are just the ponies standing there! It's like, c'mon, give us some action shots! You can only color the same pony so many times. And yes, I do like My Little Ponies, and I don't even care if you say they are girls' toys! I don't play with them because I only have one, but it's very special to me because my friend customized it to look like my favorite character from my favorite show! It's one of those toys that's too nice to play with.

Daddy was silly and thought I hadn't brought any diapers with me. I told him I hadn't brought any cute pajamas, but I guess he misheard or misinterpreted? So I was only diapered the last night because that was the only time he knew I had them. But it was really enjoyable. While we were at dinner, he told me to think of what I wanted to do when we got home. I am kinda predictable; I wanted to be spanked. XD I can't remember exactly how I detailed my ideas to him, but what ended up happening was that he spanked me, made me suck on one of his toys, and then fucked me with it.

Now, I don't usually go into that much detail about what we do in bed because to be honest, I'm shy. Which is a little ridiculous considering I have a fetish blog, but it's my blog so I can be shy about things if I want to! But the reason I bring it up is because it was the first time (in my admittedly short amount of time doing things like this) I actually cried during a scene. It was very strange - it wasn't really that it hurt. It did a little, but that alone wouldn't have been enough to make me cry, normally. I had never been fucked that hard and fast before, and it was...too intense, that's really the only way I can describe it. That's what I managed to choke out right as I started crying, and then I got all embarrassed that I was crying and tried to hide my face in Daddy's chest. For someone in the AB/DL spectrum, I cry surprisingly little. In fact, I had just been talking to Daddy the night before about how I wasn't even sure when the last time I had cried was. It usually requires me to be very upset indeed.

But I wasn't upset that night - I think I really just reached a more extreme level of subspace than I have so far. It was jarring when it was happening, but afterwards, once Daddy had let me come, cleaned me up, and put me in a diaper and we were cuddling, I felt...well, sorta high! I have heard kinky people talk about this feeling before, and I had experienced it prior to then, but I think that this instance was the most intense. I definitely want to reach that place again, and even push beyond it. Trying to push my own limits is another thing that draws me towards being a submissive, and while I can mostly explain what it is that I like about the other aspects, I don't really know what it is that gives me that compulsion. Thrill-seeking, maybe, for someone who is too much of a wuss to go skydiving or do hard drugs. I prefer my adrenaline with cuddling on the side anyways.

P.S. - I booked our room for Frolicon, and I don't know how I managed to do it (I had checked yesterday and the site was telling me there were no rooms at all!), but I got us one with a king-sized bed! Yay! I'm gonna roll around in it!