Looks like DiaperSpace is down until who-knows-when...maybe forever? I hope not, but I'm not that optimistic. It seems like the administrators had just been less and less involved as time went on. Fortunate, then, that iDiaper.me should be up and running now. I've been making a list of articles I might like to write, and I'll start working on one soon. I just keep getting distracted with writing with Daddy! I think it's the next best thing to actually being with him; playing around in magical pretendy-land.
I made a new account on FetLife because I made my old one before I made my DS account or this blog, and it wasn't under the same name. To be honest, I'm not even sure what name it was under, but I hadn't really done much with it so I just went ahead and made a new one. I'm not sure how much I'll use it because there's just something about the layout that I don't really like. But I am indeed on there, as schwarz (as usual - I use that name everywhere except for when it's already taken, and then it's littleboyschwarz or lilboyschwarz). Add me if you want! It's funny, since it makes you put in your town I actually found a girl that I went to high school with, who is now in a relationship with my first long-term boyfriend. I'm happy they're together because she seems like a great sub, and the sort of person my ex wanted and that I couldn't be. I didn't add her, though, because we never really knew each other and because I'm very nervous about people I know even a bit in real life knowing about my LB/DL tendencies, even if they are also kinky. I feel like even people in the fetish scene sometimes think of us as weirdos.
Speaking of the scene, I was looking at their website tonight and have now got my little heart set upon going to next year's Frolicon. I mean, really - a convention for kinky people! How awesome is that? The tickets are a little steep but I think this is understandable what with how many things they have going on there. There are an absurd amount of panels and events, not to mention the play parties. I really want to go!
Let's see, what else? Well, I went thrift-store shopping again today. They had a pack of Prevails at Salvation Army, but they were 2XL, so boo to that. Then I found this like...well, it's hard to explain, kind of like a romper but it had long pants legs and the top portion is sleeveless. I think that if I hem the legs to make them shorts and maybe sew snaps along the inner thigh it would make a pretty good onesie. Also I have to find something to cover up the little flower patch with, because flowers are nice but they're a bit too girly for me! If nothing else I can cut out a little star or something out of a piece of fabric, because I have plenty of scraps. I think this will be a nice beginner's project for me. I don't feel like I'm quite ready to sew myself any clothes from scratch yet (especially since right now I'd have to be doing it by hand).
Oh, and I have a question. Is there a way for me to follow people with blogs on other sites? Specifically, Wordpress. I feel like there might be with the whole Google network thingy, but I really don't know how it works.
That's all for now! I'm gonna go roleplay with Daddy some, and then tomorrow I'm going to the beach!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Back from Vacation
I'm back! And oh my gosh did I have a lot of internets to catch up on. I read about five hundred LiveJournal posts (not exaggerating, either!) before I accidentally closed the page I was on, lost my place, and gave up. I had a very good time on my trip, but I missed Daddy so much. I had a couple moments of severe littleness - the sort where it just strikes you out of nowhere - while I was on the trip, and wished so badly that he could have been there. I'm sure that other people who are littles have experienced this sort of thing, where just all the sudden it's like, "I need Daddy/Mommy!" It's not always the best when this happens when you've got an ocean between you and Daddy.
And this feeling comes in two different flavors, good and bad. The good was when I stumbled upon a store full of Beatrix Potter things, and how much I had loved those books as a child came rushing back to me. My room was actually Peter Rabbit-themed when I was very young, so her books have a strong association with childhood for me. They had more Beatrix Potter things there than I'd ever seen, too - books, toys, clothes, even things like dishes and picture frames. I got very excited about them and so badly wished Daddy had been there, just so I could have said, "Look at this, look at this!" For as I am sure you know, while Mommies and Daddies are perfectly capable of looking at things on their own, one must often point out the subtle nuances of exactly why specific things are so awesome. I don't actually know if he's ever read any of the stories. I'll have to ask him tonight. But I just went and checked, and I have a big book with nine of her stories in it! I'll definitely have to remember to bring it the next time I come for a visit.
The bad came a few days later, when I was in the city instead of the countryside, and hadn't had the forethought to go to the bathroom quite as often as I'd needed to. All of the sudden I really needed to go, and it seemed like at just that moment all the businesses that might have had bathrooms I could have used started closing! It also didn't help that I was really tired from a long day of walking around and also a bit lost. I was wishing so badly that I was diapered so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a bathroom, but of course wishing didn't really help any in that situation. It got really bad, and I still couldn't find anywhere to go. I just wanted to sit down and cry because I felt like I couldn't deal with it on my own. I knew that if Daddy had been there, he would have been able to fix everything, but since he wasn't I had to be grown-up and keep going until I found somewhere. Which I did, and not a moment too soon. Thank goodness for random Burger Kings!
As I headed back to the hotel for the evening, I knew that the situation really hadn't been as bad as it had seemed at the time, but in the heat of the moment I can be bad at recognizing that. Being overwhelmed by things is something I know I have always had problems with, but having Daddy helps so much. And even when he's not there, I just ask myself what he would do and say to me, and that calms me down and gets me to think a little more levelheadedly. I still prefer actually having him there, though!
And this feeling comes in two different flavors, good and bad. The good was when I stumbled upon a store full of Beatrix Potter things, and how much I had loved those books as a child came rushing back to me. My room was actually Peter Rabbit-themed when I was very young, so her books have a strong association with childhood for me. They had more Beatrix Potter things there than I'd ever seen, too - books, toys, clothes, even things like dishes and picture frames. I got very excited about them and so badly wished Daddy had been there, just so I could have said, "Look at this, look at this!" For as I am sure you know, while Mommies and Daddies are perfectly capable of looking at things on their own, one must often point out the subtle nuances of exactly why specific things are so awesome. I don't actually know if he's ever read any of the stories. I'll have to ask him tonight. But I just went and checked, and I have a big book with nine of her stories in it! I'll definitely have to remember to bring it the next time I come for a visit.
The bad came a few days later, when I was in the city instead of the countryside, and hadn't had the forethought to go to the bathroom quite as often as I'd needed to. All of the sudden I really needed to go, and it seemed like at just that moment all the businesses that might have had bathrooms I could have used started closing! It also didn't help that I was really tired from a long day of walking around and also a bit lost. I was wishing so badly that I was diapered so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a bathroom, but of course wishing didn't really help any in that situation. It got really bad, and I still couldn't find anywhere to go. I just wanted to sit down and cry because I felt like I couldn't deal with it on my own. I knew that if Daddy had been there, he would have been able to fix everything, but since he wasn't I had to be grown-up and keep going until I found somewhere. Which I did, and not a moment too soon. Thank goodness for random Burger Kings!
As I headed back to the hotel for the evening, I knew that the situation really hadn't been as bad as it had seemed at the time, but in the heat of the moment I can be bad at recognizing that. Being overwhelmed by things is something I know I have always had problems with, but having Daddy helps so much. And even when he's not there, I just ask myself what he would do and say to me, and that calms me down and gets me to think a little more levelheadedly. I still prefer actually having him there, though!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Second Visit with Daddy
Wow, it's been a little while since I've written. But I do have an excuse! This Monday I drove up to see Daddy again, and I just got back last night. We had so much fun - went shopping (including going to a flea market where we saw some of the cutest puppies ever!), did some volunteer work for a lady that teaches at the college Daddy used to go to, saw Toy Story 3 and Despicable Me, and of course cuddled a lot. He kept me diapered for a pretty good percentage of the time, including my first excursion out into public with one on. There is something very mischievously fun about that. You're looking at people thinking, "Haha, I'm peeing right now and you don't even know it!" It's also pretty nice not to have to worry about going to the bathroom before leaving, or having to brave public bathrooms with scary spiders in the stalls!
I also got my first spanking, but I didn't need to make up an excuse for why I needed one because I actually did something bad. It's about an eight hour drive to Daddy's, and I had decided on the way there that I'd stop about halfway through and call him to let him know I was okay and about what time I might get there. The problem was that I recently switched cell phone providers, and as I discovered, literally don't get service for like five hours of the journey to Daddy's. I kept checking my phone every fifteen minutes or so, thinking that surely it would only be a little longer before I got into an area where I would have service. That never happened, though, and it didn't occur to me to stop somewhere and use a pay phone. I ended up getting there much later than I'd been expected because I had felt a little yucky that morning so I didn't leave until the afternoon, and Daddy had been freaking out because he didn't know where I was and couldn't get a hold of me. I felt really bad when I realized how much I'd scared him just by being careless. I ought to have called him when I first left, and I definitely should have found a pay phone when I had gone for a few hours with no service. But he knows that I'm sorry and I'll never do something like that again, and I think we both ended up enjoying the spanking.
The problem with Daddy living with his family is that we can't always do everything we'd like to because there's always the risk of someone knocking at his door. But we find ways to work around that, and once I have my apartment we'll be afforded more privacy. Then we won't have to worry so much about my tendency to be loud when I like something. XD I think I influenced Daddy to become a bit more vocal too, because he's said that he's usually very quiet in sexual situations, but we both like the other to be verbal during (I like being verbally humiliated and he's a self-professed narratophile), even if it is a little embarrassing when he tells me to tell him all the things I'd like him to do to me.
Even though everything is so new and we are still figuring this whole thing out, I have realized that I feel so much more comfortable with Daddy than I have with either of my two previous partners. He can't make my dysphoria go away, but he can make me feel so much better just because I know that, as a trans man, he knows exactly how I feel. I also know that no matter what my body may look like or my voice sound like, he sees me as a man just as I do him (heh, well, more like boy in my case, but you know what I mean!). He is really the first person I have actually felt comfortable being naked around. Taking off my clothes around a partner used to be a really agonizing experience that I avoided as much as I could, but with him I really just don't care. I don't feel like he's scrutinizing me or projecting things onto me that I'm not. He just lets me be me.
I am going to try to go up to see him again next month. I want us to be together again as soon as possible! Until then I just have to satisfy myself with the internets, although I won't be around much for the next two weeks because I'm going on vacation with the family out of the country and I'm not taking my laptop. I get the internet on my phone, but as we have already seen, it is not the most reliable device. And either way, I'm not too keen on blogging from it. So, see you in a few weeks!
I also got my first spanking, but I didn't need to make up an excuse for why I needed one because I actually did something bad. It's about an eight hour drive to Daddy's, and I had decided on the way there that I'd stop about halfway through and call him to let him know I was okay and about what time I might get there. The problem was that I recently switched cell phone providers, and as I discovered, literally don't get service for like five hours of the journey to Daddy's. I kept checking my phone every fifteen minutes or so, thinking that surely it would only be a little longer before I got into an area where I would have service. That never happened, though, and it didn't occur to me to stop somewhere and use a pay phone. I ended up getting there much later than I'd been expected because I had felt a little yucky that morning so I didn't leave until the afternoon, and Daddy had been freaking out because he didn't know where I was and couldn't get a hold of me. I felt really bad when I realized how much I'd scared him just by being careless. I ought to have called him when I first left, and I definitely should have found a pay phone when I had gone for a few hours with no service. But he knows that I'm sorry and I'll never do something like that again, and I think we both ended up enjoying the spanking.
The problem with Daddy living with his family is that we can't always do everything we'd like to because there's always the risk of someone knocking at his door. But we find ways to work around that, and once I have my apartment we'll be afforded more privacy. Then we won't have to worry so much about my tendency to be loud when I like something. XD I think I influenced Daddy to become a bit more vocal too, because he's said that he's usually very quiet in sexual situations, but we both like the other to be verbal during (I like being verbally humiliated and he's a self-professed narratophile), even if it is a little embarrassing when he tells me to tell him all the things I'd like him to do to me.
Even though everything is so new and we are still figuring this whole thing out, I have realized that I feel so much more comfortable with Daddy than I have with either of my two previous partners. He can't make my dysphoria go away, but he can make me feel so much better just because I know that, as a trans man, he knows exactly how I feel. I also know that no matter what my body may look like or my voice sound like, he sees me as a man just as I do him (heh, well, more like boy in my case, but you know what I mean!). He is really the first person I have actually felt comfortable being naked around. Taking off my clothes around a partner used to be a really agonizing experience that I avoided as much as I could, but with him I really just don't care. I don't feel like he's scrutinizing me or projecting things onto me that I'm not. He just lets me be me.
I am going to try to go up to see him again next month. I want us to be together again as soon as possible! Until then I just have to satisfy myself with the internets, although I won't be around much for the next two weeks because I'm going on vacation with the family out of the country and I'm not taking my laptop. I get the internet on my phone, but as we have already seen, it is not the most reliable device. And either way, I'm not too keen on blogging from it. So, see you in a few weeks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
