How Daddy and I Got Together

One of my favorite things about my relationship with Daddy is that we were friends for a couple of years before we got together. It's funny how many things in my life I somehow owe to my involvement in fandom, and that includes meeting Daddy. We originally got to know each other through a roleplaying game on LiveJournal. We bonded over our mutual love for a couple of shows, and the fact that we both shipped our characters - or in normal-person language, we wanted them to get together and played out a relationship between the two! Eventually I took up playing another character off of one that Daddy had played for a while, and we spent many an evening writing together, coming up with all sorts of crazy adventures. I think I do some of my best writing playing off of Daddy. Creative endeavors of all sorts have always been very important to me, and it's fantastic to be with someone that I constantly learn from and am inspired by.

It's kind of a cliche in the world of fandom, to fall in love with your RP partner, and I've gotta say that for a long time I definitely did some vicarious living through my characters. It was really all I could do, though, because first I was scared to tell him how I felt because I didn't just want to be some creepy person from the internet who fell for someone just because they gave me some positive attention. Not being confident enough to be honest with Daddy about my feelings was a big mistake on my part, because while I was messing around he ended up getting himself a girlfriend. I figured that was about it, and really tried to make myself move on. But it was hard just being friends when I knew deep inside how I really felt. For a while, I was kind of scarce around the internet, but always ended up coming back because even if we couldn't be together, I loved writing with him and valued our friendship. It felt like we could talk about anything, and even talking about the most trivial things made me happy when I was talking about them with him.

Things got even harder when he and his girlfriend got engaged, but what could I do? I was pretty darn unhappy despite my best attempts to distract myself with schoolwork, writing, fandom, or art. At this point we both knew about each other's respective little boy/daddy leanings, and I knew that he had tried to explain it to his girlfriend but she hadn't been very responsive at all. It was frustrating - as much as I hate to reference it, a bit like a certain Taylor Swift song. And it made me feel very selfish for not just being able to accept the fact that they were happy together, which the logical part of me knew was the most important thing.

And then in the beginning of February, things suddenly started to change very quickly. There is a lot of history behind it that I don't know about or am not fully educated enough on to really say many definitive things, and I also don't really think it's my place to do so, so let's just suffice to say that things between Daddy and his girlfriend hadn't been as great as they'd looked from the outside, and they broke it off. As for her, she found a new boyfriend very soon afterward, so I assume she's doing fine. Because of that, I also didn't feel guilty that Daddy and I got together as quickly we did. The thing was that we had both known for a while that there was something between us, even before the night I got drunk and tried to tell him everything rather incoherently. XD He told me that he had always regretted not being able to explore his feelings for me, and as for myself, well, I'm sure by this point you can tell I'd been crazy about him for a while.

It's funny how fast things went from sort of awful to definitely awesome. Since we'd known each other for so long, there was no awkward period of trying to become better acquainted. There were never any big important scary talks about being trans or AB/DL, because we already knew these things about each other. To be honest, Daddy is the only person I've ever felt like I really could tell anything to, and that was true of him even before we were together. I'm never afraid to be myself, my complete self, and as someone who's spent a lot of time feeling like they're forced to be someone they're not, this is very important to me. I'm incredibly lucky, and I know it!

And now, we're about to reach an important milestone in our relationship - Daddy and I are going to meet in person for the first time tomorrow! We couldn't do it before now because I went to school very far away from where he lives, but now that I'm home for the summer we're about a seven hour drive apart. It'll be the farthest I've ever driven by myself, but I'd go twice that distance to see him! Unfortunately I only get to stay until Thursday because I have to be back on Friday to register for a summer course I'm taking, but I'm going to make every effort to get back up there again before the end of the summer. Then after that, I'm moving to only four hours away, so we'll get to see each other every weekend if we want!

A friend of mine asked me a few weeks ago if I was nervous at all; if maybe I was afraid that when I got there Daddy somehow wouldn't be the person I expected him to be. I'm really not. In fact, the things I'm most nervous about are the drive there and making a good impression on his family! But as for the man himself, I trust him completely. If I didn't, he wouldn't be my Daddy! You have no idea how excited I am, or how much I've thought about this trip in the preceding months. I can't believe it's really tomorrow! I'm going to bring my laptop, but no guarantees on any updates while I'm there. After all, I have plenty of time to blog later, but only a few days with him, so I want to make the most of them! I'll definitely write about our visit when I get back, though. Until next time! <3

How I Realized I Was a Little Boy

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Introduction

All right! After a bit of jackassery involving a spontaneously-disappearing email address, I'm finally ready to write my first entry in here! I'm going to call this my introductory post, though in truth I think I'll need to write a few different posts detailing various aspects of my life. But for now, the bare bones of who I am and why I've started this blog.

So hi. I'm Schwarz. Obviously not my real name, but for all intents and purposes I think it works pretty well. I'm twenty one years old, and a female to male trans person. I am graduating from college this week with my bachelor's degree, and don't have a real job as of yet. Most important for the context of this blog is the fact that I am a little boy. That is, I fall into the AB/DL (adult baby/diaper lover) spectrum, but identify as around five years old as opposed to many of my peers who are genuinely babies. I have an absolutely wonderful Daddy who is twenty and also an FtM. Right now we are limited to having a long-distance relationship, but I'm going to visit him for the first time next month, and in August I'm going to be moving close enough to him that we'll get to see each other on weekends.

That's the main reason I've started this blog, to chronicle both the growth of our relationship and myself as an individual, as well as to muse over various things related to being a little boy. The other reason for this blog is that I feel that AB/DL folks do not always have a very positive image on the internet, even sometimes among general fetish communities. My hope is that people will read my blog and no matter how kinky or vanilla they may be, will come to understand that most of us are sane, intelligent people who should not be ashamed of their lifestyle because it is a positive one that doesn't hurt anyone and brings boundless happiness to the people involved.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I am going to get to work on a few entries about being transgendered, how I got into the AB/DL community, and how I met my Daddy. Until then! <3